Last January my health had improved dramatically, so I had a little peek on a dating app and immediately clicked with an amazing guy who I had a ton in common with. We started dating and miraculously, he hung on through a horrendous relapse in my health and we managed to have wonderful times together despite my fluctuations in health. We laughed and joked together and never ran out of good chat. He was also the kindest guy ever - he’d take me to hospital appointments, help me cook dinner, lie on my bed with me for hours when I couldn’t get up, cuddle me while I felt rough and tell me I looked great all the time. He wasn’t needy or jealous and seemed remarkably balanced. The perfect man?
Things started getting weird when my health improved again. He started telling me that I was going off him and out of the blue, a friend matched with him on a dating app. I confronted him and he lied about it. Then admitted he wasn’t sure if he was in love with me. I called it a day. But he’d been so lovely I was happy to be friends instead. The friendship was great, it was pretty flirty but that seemed harmless enough as I don’t do casual hookups. Until I stumbled across a girl on social media who said she was in a relationship with him.
Fair enough, I thought, he’s free to be with whoever now. But no, they had been together THE ENTIRE YEAR that I had been with him too. My head exploded.
I feel like I’m living the plot in a bad novel. It would be easier to comprehend if he was just a charmer bad-boy type. But this is a guy who talked constantly about the importance of his family to him and got visibly upset by people screwing others over. I’ve never been cheated on before; now apparently I’ve been cheated on for an entire year. I literally cannot get my head around the guy I knew being the same guy who did this.
Sadly, I think my health made it way too easy to keep me separate from the other woman. No wonder he started getting jumpy instead of delighted when my health improved and I was out and about more.
One of my friends had told me to question the motives of a man who’d get involved with someone unwell. I had dismissed that as pure cynicism as I’m a romantic at heart and really believed he was different. And I do believe that people find happy relationships despite health issues, but my advice after all this is - stay tuned into your instincts!!
There were little things I had wondered about that were different to my previous relationships like his reluctance to speak on the phone instead of texting and a gut feeling that he wasn’t fully emotionally open with me. He pleaded introversion and I let it slide cos no one is perfect right? But intuition is wise. Every time I ignore it in any arena of my life it doesn’t end well. Don’t discount your intuition people!!
Sending you all health and healthy loving relationship vibes xxx